Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Tori's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, June 13th, 2007
12:08 am	new time, new journal. it's been three years. i can give this to myself. wanderkid just add it and i'll add you back. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 6th, 2007
12:58 am	2 i think i finished all my work. I'm not sure. I don't want to jinx it. Well I definatly have more work to do, just not tonight. I think. I hope. DAMN i have to pee. after I reassembled my doll house I arranged all this mismatched old dollhouse/duplo/lego furniture and people in it. it was SO FUN. i did it for like an hour, and i'll have to take it down tomorrow to take it to school. I bet tod will think it's silly. oh well i think it's the best thing i've done in a while. (Comment on this)
Monday, June 4th, 2007
9:42 pm	3 i had a complete and total mental breakdown today. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, June 3rd, 2007
11:45 pm	4 (Comment on this)
Monday, May 28th, 2007
11:31 pm	we're so lucky to have made it this far, but each day we are lucky enough to live through is another day closer to the end. I didn't think it would be like this. but it is, and it's awful. this is from my journal i kept in england: This trip did not have a purpose The project was an excuse The whole thing came about in the strangest way It was the plane back from Colorado And then support from A teacher who barely knew me. then money from all sorts of places. I, now, feel better about being completely and totally lost with no direction at all just walking and hoping And I think I've got  luck or good sense of direction I feel CLAIRITY Which is funny because I have no answers that's a lie I know I need to stay home next year and work and GARDEN spend time learning about the beautiful things I see everyday I've got tiger fingers and faerie hair Everything is not going to be okay And I don't like it And I'm not alright with it There's a chance I can change it but it won't be on purpose I'm not certain of anything including my uncertainty (what if God did create all this and exsists and everything, but isn't interfering/controling now) (just watching) (or vacationing) (maybe taking a nap) (sketching out a new exsistance for when this one goes in the crapper) I'd like to learn Everything there is to know the minute before the apocalypse so knowing all would just be for fun (Comment on this)
Friday, May 25th, 2007
12:28 am	dream world me is oversexed while wake world me is undersexed. it makes for a very confusing and dizzying reality. pirates was AWESOME. johnny depp is THE HOTTEST MAN ALIVE. and elizabeth can rot on that island. she is silly. so i'm pretty sure that when school ends the worlds going to end. either that or life is going to be a little bit crazy for a while. but i'm not going to try hallucinagins and i'm not going to sleep with a teacher. (even though at 1230 at night after pirates i really really really want to do both of those things. maybe at once.) why is the human condition so...you know? (Comment on this)
Sunday, May 20th, 2007
11:10 pm	i am currently pretending that school will never end. i'm also pretending it's okay that i'm not doing homework. life is really weird. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 15th, 2007
9:43 pm	i had a very productive day. i decided that if someone were to come up to me and say "you can happily marry anyone in the world. who do you pick?" i would pick george clooney. i watched the history of the KKK which was thoroughly frightening and disturbing and a little bit silly. leave it to the history channel. i also watched the view, which is one of the dumbest things on television. i beat two dungeons in zelda. i thought about doing some of the work i need to do. i thought about it some more. i ate an entire box of frosted mini wheats. then i watched the episode of seinfeld where elaine does that weird dance. that made me really want to be in love (no clue why) and then i was sad because i am not in love. then i was depressed until i fell asleep. i woke up and ate dinner, then i read the Time Magazine 100 most influential people and it sucked. i thought about making my own list, but that takes too much work. now i'm here. aren't you glad you read my writing? (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, May 5th, 2007
11:35 am	i just watched the pirates 3 trailer and i'm really really really excited. I, unlike many other people, loved the second one, i thought it was great. i really really really can't wait for the third. i think i'm more excited about that than the final harry potter. (gasp!) but that may be because i can't really remember the past 3 harry potter books because i read them so fast. still, pirates makes me sooooooo happy. i am sooooooooooooo pumped! i'm gonna dress up for the premire and everything. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 2nd, 2007
2:33 am	even though i'm two hours late i wanted to wish everyone a happy beltane. hope it was a good one. in other news, the internet is increasingly boring. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, April 29th, 2007
11:45 pm	even though today and yesterday were really really really fun, like the most fun i've had in a while, i feel like i didn't have a weekend. and i really love my weekends. oh well. i just hope i make it through this week and get everything done. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 24th, 2007
10:03 pm	life is very very very strange and quite chaotic.  something about that damn  bathtub. I'm going to miss it dearly if I leave it behind. I sit there for hours and hours and the most bizarre things come into my mind. Things that otherwise do not penetrate concious thought. Sometimes it's quite lovely, because the bathtub allows me to have things I would not normally indulge in, but other times it brings in things i blocked out purposely. then they make things different where they should've stayed the same. maybe it's the increase in testosterone in my life. maybe it's marlin brando. i think it's the touching. how strange the touching is. (Comment on this)
Friday, April 20th, 2007
12:05 am	i love it when sadness morphs into anger. makes me feel clean. and not so guilty. i have no reason to be ashamed. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 18th, 2007
11:03 pm	WHY IS LIFE SO WEIRD? being an adult is so strange. because of the sex thing. except i'm not having sex. but i'm sorta pretending that i'm more sexually experienced than i am. not totally on purpose either.  i am INNOCENT like no ones business. i've only ever kissed before (you mean she? uh huh) i said there's no use getting into heavy petting it only leads to trouble and seat wetting. i really hope i do not end up like janet. i feel sooooooooo strange. i'm not sure i like it at all. uuhhhhhhhhhhhhhgggggggggggg why sex why? (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 17th, 2007
12:18 am	note to self: no matter how much work you have, it's not wise to take a riddalin at 9:30 at night. it does not lead towards sleep. so i'm thinking that next spring i might go to south east asia with my mom. not my first choice of travel companion, i must admit, but a safe one. i can't go alone. i think i'd rather go with my dad, but he'd never ever have the time. well really i'd like to go with a friend, but all my friends are schooling. which it looks like i might do sooner than i thought. i just want to write really. maybe i'll just get a little apartment near umass and take one class at a time and work. i'm just working so well right now due to the speed they're prescribing me. i'm not totally happy, but i'm well. i've sort of accepted my unhappiness as part of my life. it sucks, but there's not much i can do about it. especially if i'm traveling, i know i will be unhappy more than half the time. then why put myself through it you might ask? for the growth and for the views. i think my capstone paper might become a novel. too bad it's not even a page long yet. but it might be a novel. someday. if it believes in itself. i'm gonna post a few tatoo ideas here soon. amber, i know you're in germany, but if you pick one of the names i suggested for yourself, you get to pick my tatoo. (Comment on this)
Thursday, April 12th, 2007
8:53 pm	kurt vonnegut died (thanks for posting it hillary, i don't know when i would've found out otherwise). he's part of me. his books changed me and my life. i believe in god because of him. now i feel like i have a hole inside of me. i will write because of him. we all owe it to him to save our world. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 10th, 2007
8:50 pm	18 bitches!!!! (Comment on this)
Sunday, April 8th, 2007
8:22 pm	i'm beginning to think i worry far far too much. i think it's because my world is ending and it's ending so soon and i feel the desperate need for someone to cling to with all my heart. i feel silly. it's an aching in my rib cage really. soon i will be all alone. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 4th, 2007
10:08 pm	a few things: 1. i think we're all feeling the same things. this makes me feel connected. 2. i want to talk about sex all the time. all day long. with everyone. 3. i am worried 4. i want other people to want to talk about sex all day long with everyone as well. 5. i think sex is connecting us, but not because we're having it, just because we're all realizing it as part of our lives. something like that. it's more complicated. i've not figured it out yet. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 3rd, 2007
10:28 pm	so after thinking about virginity last night i had this terrible dream. i was in my middle school cafateria with the entirety of CSW. karl fisher was there, and he was like "i need to talk to everyone but the seniors, the seniors can go." but then the seniors were like "what are you telling the underclassmen that you can't tell us?" and then karl was like "okay let me put it this way, everyone who isn't a virgin can go." at this point all the freshmen, sophmores and juniors stay sitting but almost the entire senior class gets up and leaves. the only people left are me and five other girls who actually went to my middle school and were the five most unattractive girls ever. in confusion i asked karl "wait, who's supposed to stay?" and karl said "oh you're fine, you can go." but i sat back down awkwardly because i was a virgin and he'd just assumed wrong. however i was also one of the only virgins in the entire senior class. talk about bizarre stress dreams. now i know that probably sixty percent of the senior class are virgins. if not more. real life is not the television. this is a hard distinction for me to make. by the way, i am totally head over heels for this boy. he kept petting my head today and he told me my hair smelled like vanilla and that my eyes were pretty. i think he's just incredibly nice and awesome to everyone, but i still want his babies. i'm crazy about him. i don't particularly want it to go anywhere, especially because when i think about if he likes me back or relationships or whatever i feel all sick on the inside. so i kinda just want him to keep petting me on the head and holding my hand and telling me my eyes are pretty and i'm just not going to think too hard about it at all. i think this is best. i think i may abandon my video as my capstone and write something instead. like travel writing or something. it makes sense in my head, but i'm going to have to run it by ben. who knows how that will go. barb thinks it's a good idea. if you actually read all of that and didn't just skim it like i skim all of your entries, good job! (3 Comments |Comment on this)